Not Writing But Blogging

Have just listened to your short story on BBC4

It was SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDIOUS

Good morning!
I’ve just been catching up with Georgia Beers’ blog and found her “Bywater Blog Tour Presents…Stella Duffy” entry.
It made interesting reading, certainly, but I was taken aback on reading your views on selective “coming out”.
I was 40 when I realised I was gay, married (unhappily) for 18 years and absolutely terrified. Over a period of a few years I came out to family and friends, with varying degrees of trauma and success.
Now, at 61, my marriage long finished and in a Civil Partnership, I am completely out. Except…well, no, not really.
Of the “older” (ha!) generation in my family only my widowed aunt survives. She’s 87, very prim and proper and over the years has recounted her experiences as a young woman during the Second World War. Some of those experiences included predatory “mannish” women who lurked on railway station platforms, waiting to pick up innocent young girls. At least, that is how my aunt tells it and whatever near-misses she experienced (I gather she was “saved” on more than one occasion) have left her with a deep mistrust of lesbians and an obvious discomfort at the very thought of us.
So…I’m not out to my aunt. I have no idea how she views my relationship with my partner. It’s not discussed and for all I know my aunt considers us to be “companions”.
What I do know is this: of her three nieces, I am the one closest to my aunt. I look after her financial affairs, am called on in emergencies, visit as often as I can. If I came out to her, there’s a very real risk she wouldn’t be able to handle it.
I’m not concerned for myself. I’ve already survived coming out to husband, parents, sons and sisters, friends and work colleagues. I’ve lost some along the way and there’s nothing that can rock my world any more than dealing with all that, yet my aunt? How would SHE cope? If she couldn’t face the knowledge that I am gay, if she couldn’t look me in the eye and be comfortable with that, she’d lose the one person she’s relied on for years. She’d be far more isolated, both in fact and emotionally than she is now (and I know of no-one else who hugs her) and all because I decided EVERYONE should know I’m a lesbian. It’s not worth the risk.
So, I’ll continue to filter my life to my aunt, telling her only of things I know will keep her comfortable. I make no apologies for doing so – for me, it feels the right thing to do. If she ever asks me outright I will be totally honest but if that day ever comes she will obviously have already guessed and be dealing with it on her terms.
For now, I stay silent on the lesbian aspects of my life, knowing that even though it took me years to realise I was born this way, I’m still just an normal person, holding down a normal job, living a normal life.
That’s all my aunt needs to know.

Hi Stella – good to hear you on BBC Ldn. As I’m also a South Ldn Kiwi writer I thought I’d invite you along to my monthly Gypsy music night this Thursday (27) 8-11pm Upstairs At The Ritzy – featuring the divine Ana Bon-Bon. I think you will like Ana a lot. Free entry and you get to walk there and band along your much loved Coldharbour Lane.
Best
Garth

i am 3/4 way through singling out the couples – just wanted to say marvellous book – well done you for an insightful, fun and brilliant way of writing about relationships with fun and enthusiasm and love the twists and couples – thank you Uma

Hey Stella
Long time no see since YLAF ceased to run. I was wondering if I could ask for some help/advice? Casee (my wife) has written and recorded a Christmas Song which she has released in aid of Cancer Research UK through justgiving (www.justgiving.com/Casee-Wilson) – so far raising over £280. We’ve got the local paper involved but I’d love to get it further afield. I’ve sent some emails to various places but not getting much back. Any advice on how to get this picked up by the wider media? This is providing a great source of strength and support for our friend who is being treated for lung cancer so we’d love to really raise some serious money and keep her positive and fighting.
Thanks
Gemma

Just wanted to say thanks for a quite inspiring day at st deiniols. I hadn’t realised you were a fellow Buddhist. Maybe I’ll see you at some festival.

Hi Stella. Thanks for your words about the C of E announcement today. I’ve shared it with our network on Facebook.
http://www.facebook.com/lovespirit.gathering/posts/247227535386699?notif_t=like

Dear Ms. Duffy,

Hello, I was wondering when (or if) Theodora will be offered on kindle in the US.
Will it? Please consider it, if it is not too much bother. I’d love to see it in that format.

Thank you.
Phil

Madison, Wisconsin

Hi Stella,
Am organising Northwich LitFest here in Cheshire for June 2013 and wondered whether you’d consider being a guest speaker? Met you at Aubin & Wills (with Damian) and again at Gladstone’s Library (where you gave me a guided tour!). On the latter occasion you said ‘Why didn’t you ask me?’ (to be a speaker at the 2012 LitFest)…so this is about 2013…and I’m asking!!

If you’re remotely interested, perhaps you could email me for more details.
Hope all is well with you.
Very best wishes,
Susi Osborne

Hi Stella,
Thoroughly enjoyed the Mills & Boon show, which I caught up with tonight, a really fascinating insight.
I work in social media, community management & blogging for various clients, one of which is a cinema chain, which has proved useful for my first book!
The book is a collection of interviews with British Oscar winners from Olivia de Havilland, to Michael Caine, and Julie Christie through to Sam Mendes. The first of a proposed trilogy, with the two follow up books centring on American and International recipients.
I appreciate this is somewhat of a imposition but I’m writing to ask if you have any ideas as to finding a publisher?
Warmest
Jay

I just watched your programme about how to write a Mills & Boon, and I would love to read your three chapters and synopsis. Have you ever published them anywhere? You could do a paywall with Paypal and I bet you’d get plenty of takers, or even as a kindle/e-book format. I would certainly cough up for the pleasure of reading what Maddie Rowe enjoyed so much!

When I was at university, I did give it a go, but my Modern was rejected. My heroine was really hopelessly immature. But later, I did get a contract for regency historicals with a US imprint and wrote five of them. I am still writing, but now I am really writing book of the heart, which is more swashbuckling historical than romance, and your point – write what you want, write what you have to express, not what the market wants – is absolutely true.

Thank you for a terrific programme.

Thanks for the reply Stella, keep up the good work!